There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
