everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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