You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
FUCK WHALES
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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