he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
