Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
