Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize