It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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