Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
