Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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