we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
