It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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