His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There r osticjed everywhere
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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