I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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