I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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