OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
