Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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