my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
