i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Come see our sink grown plant.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
