well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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