party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
