My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
