I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
