It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
