we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
