She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
