Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
