The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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