....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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