there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is Oprah even human
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
