You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We are two peas in an std pod
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
