At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
