Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
