since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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