I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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