Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
