We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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