I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
