Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
