i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize