I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
