Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
