I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize