We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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