I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
