I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
