Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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