I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
