he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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