You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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