i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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