Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
