I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she told me i tasted like america
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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