There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
