I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize