Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
