The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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