I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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