shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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