): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
