I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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