Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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