Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
