Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
