Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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