No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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