girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
