my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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