She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
