in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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