I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
