In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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