I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
