farters have to be the big spoon...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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